Soz For Ya Loss

Timbo schlacked open a tinnie, took a good hard swig, licked his frothy lips and let out an orgasmic howl.  “Nothing like a good funey brew,” he remarked as he nudged the weeping woman standing next to him. “How did you know my son again?” she asked in between sobs. “You kidding me luv, he …

Motorcycle Man: My Meeting with Skunk “Rex” Viper

It’s not often you find yourself sitting across from the ringleader of the outlaw motorcycle club, The Bloody Churros. Well, it depends who you are I guess. You could be Rex’s right hand man Toejam, or the club treasurer Snutknuckle, or his pet possum Shaun. But I ain’t any of those folk, I was just …

An Evening With Joe Biden

I recently approached Joe Biden for an interview. He said he was keen, but on one extraordinary condition: we could discuss anything except his presidency. I passed. But he kept texting me “please” so I reluctantly agreed. MM: So Mr. Biden, let’s chat about your presidency. JB: Nooo, you promised! MM: Oh yeah sorry. Um, …

Murphy’s Guide to Spooky Snacks!

Need ideas for frightening foods and demonic drinks this Halloween? Never fear, wrap your screaming gear around these devilish dishes. Gingerdead Men These are like regular gingerbread men but you present the little fellas in morbid positions, like drowned in a glass of milk, crushed to death by an unstable gingerbread house or just simple …

Murphy’s Guide To Cockney Rhyming Slang

Have you ever met an English person and thought “what the hell are they talking about?” Well, they may be using cockney rhyming slang!  This peculiar way of speaking originated in a small village in England named Cockney Town in the 1960s and was originally used to confuse wizards. It is now one of the …

My Worst Enemies

You might have heard the saying, “keep your enemies far away, and your friends not far away.” Well in my experience, the advice should be more like “keep your enemies far far away, and your friends wherever, I dunno.” In my opinion, enemies suck. Yeah, I said it. To give you an idea as to …

Ten Must Watch TV Shows

Well, they say television is the new podcasts. And if you're thinking about dipping your toes into the melting pot that is TV but struggling to wrap your head around which shows to sink your eyes into, rest assured I can offer you some clear and concise guidance. So whether you're wanting something to distract you …

New Watch

Holly and Penny were catching up for brunch at a café. “Pen, you gotta check out my watch! Not only does it cover up all my disgusting wrist warts, but it’s loaded with all this crazy new technology. Like it gives me a shock if I make a contradictory statement.” “Woah, that's pretty high tech.” …

Coke Break

In the break room of StockShare Industries Corp, salesmen Trent Alright and Josh McSmith were taking a breather after a busy morning playing darts and watching porn. While Josh was browsing the newspaper, Trent sipped at his coffee mug and shared his thoughts. “Hey I’m thinking I might bang Dumb Redhead from marketing later this …

Simple Solutions to Everyday Problems!

Life’s tough. But we here at Murphy McLachlan are keen to make it that little less tough for you through the power of advice. Here are some common dilemmas and how to fix them! I can’t get rid of my toaster’s funky smell. Throw it in the ocean. How do I quickly remove a pudding …