Life’s tough. But we here at Murphy McLachlan are keen to make it that little less tough for you through the power of advice.
Here are some common dilemmas and how to fix them!
I can’t get rid of my toaster’s funky smell.
Throw it in the ocean.
How do I quickly remove a pudding stain on a bra?
Soak it in a pint of silver tequila for five days
My husband won’t eat my macaroni and cheese balls.
Tell him they’re dairy free!
The brakes on my car are malfunctioning.
Lightly tap on the head gasket with a hammer a few times.
No toupee comes in my size.
Get head reduction surgery.
My pet spider keeps biting the local rabbi.
Serve it a head of lettuce and a side of pine nuts.
I’ve never witnessed a drug deal.
Get checked for eye fungi.
My dad got wounded in a galah hunting expedition.
Send him an assortment of kooky cummerbunds.
There aren’t enough websites about garden gnomes.
Send a strongly worded letter to online.
I wear too much purple.
Grow your hair out.
There aren’t any Belgians in my checkers club.
Play Enya very loud.
The mayor suspects I poisoned the water hole.
Pour vinegar in his morning soup.
I keep drowning.
Take a weekly yoga class.
The local paper didn’t publish any the articles I submitted about the lunar eclipse.
Blackmail the editor with photos of him and his French mistress Elenora making out on his yacht, The Hummingbird.
My duck won’t stop quacking.