In the break room of StockShare Industries Corp, salesmen Trent Alright and Josh McSmith were taking a breather after a busy morning playing darts and watching porn. While Josh was browsing the newspaper, Trent sipped at his coffee mug and shared his thoughts.
“Hey I’m thinking I might bang Dumb Redhead from marketing later this arvo.”
“Mate, if you keep giving people nicknames like that, someone’s gonna report ya to HR.”
“Pftt, what’s Hairy Receptionist gonna do about it?”
“Hey help me out with this quiz will ya. Do you know who the last female Prime Minister of the UK was?”
“Teresa’s not at work today, you moron.”
Suddenly the conversation was interrupted by the booming voice of their colleague Jase “Jason” Harrison as he entered the room.
“Hey hey hey, I smell a dickhead alert! Population, you two shit fuckers!”
“Ahhh ya got us, ya got us!” Trent laughed.
“Jeez, reading the paper and sipping tea, you cocksuckers on ya bloody period or some shit?”
“Hey, name a better way to spend our break!” Josh replied.
“I’ll do ya one better and give you two ways, homo.” Jase took a massive bag of industrial strength cocaine out of his jacket and dropped it on the table. “Smashing some of this cocaine, and then smashing some more of this cocaine. Boom.”
Josh and Trent waved their arms and cheered.
“Aw hell yeah, love a cheeky little cocaine break!”
“Yeah brother, the old power flour, good shit.”
“You know it boys, bit of bro snow eh.”
“Fuck yes, can’t wait to ingest some of that thrust dust.”
“Ooh mama, you can’t go past Hade’s dandruff.”
“Bit of the old naughty sugar, boy howdy.” Jase humped the air excitedly then pointed at Josh. “Hey you want the honour of tapping this bad boy, champ?”
“Me? Oh uh yeah sure sure, love to…uh…”
Josh picked up the bag of cocaine and started awkwardly poking and shaking it.
“You have done cocaine before, right?” Jase asked.
“Pftt of course, you kidding me, I’m the coke master general. Now uhhh remind me, do I use a teaspoon or a tablespoon?”
Jase and Trent burst out laughing.
“I mean fork! No, splayd. Spork. Splork? Just tell me what utensil I use to scoop it into my arse!”
“You bloody lame ponce of a piss-wanker, give it here.”
Jase swiped the bag off Josh, opened it with his teeth, grabbed a handful of cocaine, and snorted the shit out of it. He then made a peculiar face.
“Hmm. I think this might be a bad batch.”
“How do you know?” Josh asked.
Jase’s head exploded.
“Jase, I said how do you know!?”
“Mate stop yelling,” Trent scolded. “I think it’s pretty freaking obvious that he’s unconscious. Or worse, very unconscious.”
“Aw man…are those his brains on the wall?”
“Hmm, nah I think they were already there?”
Before the men could return to their newspaper and whiskey, the CEO of the company entered the room and screamed.
“What on earth has happened in here?”
“Sup boss,” Trent greeted his superior. “Well, he snorted some cocaine and then blew up a bit.”
“Oh my god! Are you meaning to tell me you fellows engaged in a cocaine break? In the morning?!
“Of course not sir, it’s 12:30pm.”
“Ohhh well I’ll be, I thought it was earlier. As you know, cocaine in the morning would be a stern-wordable offence. But all good then, as you were.”
“Hey wait boss!” Josh said. “While you’re here, what should we do about Jason?”
“Jase from Sales.”
“Oh, is that him? Didn’t recognise him without his glasses.”
“Yeah he wears contacts now.”
“Ah look boys, I’m too busy to worry about your little problems. Maybe chat to Meredith in the cocaine related explosion department, she may be able to assist.”
“Oh, Weird Lips?” Trent asked.
“That’s the one!”
“OK, fingers crossed.”
The boss left the room and Trent cracked open a beer.
“Alright well, you cool to flick her an email, Josh? I wanna finish this quiz.”
“Yeah nah, I don’t know how to use email remember?”
“Ah that’s right. OK well I’ll do it tomorrow or next week or some shit. Oh, hey, crap, you know what?”
“I reckon it’s a trick question, there has been no chick pommy prime ministers.”
“Ah right. Hey want some meth?”