HANDY CORONA TIPS!!!

In these days of uncertainty and fear, it doesn’t help that there’s a lot of misinformation going around about how to prevent catching the Corona virus. 

 

Luckily I’ve done a lot of Facebook post reading, Bing-ing, and chatting to my roommate who loves Scrubs, and have compiled this educational, comprehensive, and accurate as heck guide to kicking COVID-19 in the dick:

 

Rub garlic on your chest hair (if you don’t have chest hair, try drinking some onion soup).

 

Wash your feet in a combination of maple syrup, oregano and raspberry Fanta.

 

Drink a microwaved gin and tonic out of a badger skull.

 

Wear a lavender beret while snorting cinnamon.

 

Chew a red capsicum eight times while listening to Uptown Girl backwards.

 

Dye your nostril hair orange.

 

Don’t eat anything with a crust, shell or uni-brow. 

 

Gargle shandy in a bathtub filled with mayonnaise while humming the Sopranos theme.

 

Hold your breath in a circus.

 

Yell at a pelican every nine minutes.

 

Do a handstand using only your feet.

 

Sniff the left wing of a toucan named Belvedere.

 

Pronounce the word lieutenant incorrectly.

 

Sexually harass an onion.

 

Record a hip hop Christmas album in Portuguese.

 

Drunk call your cousin’s boss while doing a De Niro  impression (preferably Taxi Driver or Meet The Fockers).

 

Avoid onion soup.

 

So there we have it, follow that guide exactly and you’ll be 100% immune from the corona-virus! Or at the very least you’ll have less back acne.

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