Like everyone, I grew up in the 90s.
I thought I’d take a walk down Memory lane. Memory lane was the place I grew up in the 1990s and it got me reminiscing about how crazy, fun and carefree those days were. We didn’t have anything bad like bigotry, conservative politicians or diseases. But most importantly we had some grouse fads. As we would say in the 90s – here are my favourites!
The 90s had plenty of amazing lollies and chockies: Penny Funkirks, Snackahumphries, Yumbums, Raspberry Penny Funkirks. But nothing could beat Schnukkos. It was like the crack cocaine of the schoolyard, as their slogan went.
Schnukkos were unique in that they came with a toy! You never knew what entertaining nugget of magical joy you were gonna get. Once at recess, I got a figurine of an albatross, my mate got a yo-yo string, and my sister got a three piece jigsaw puzzle of an apple. All of our lives peaked that day.
There’s an urban legend that Schnukkos got taken off the market because a kid choked on one of the toys and died but I did some research and turns out that’s bullshit. He just went into a permanent coma.
Oh boy, Blurtles, what a game!
Tall or short, liberal or conservative, young or old; every student in my Grade 2 class loved Blurtles.
The other kids used to mock my Blurtles collection, and heck I don’t blame them. Not only did I not have a Blurgo, a Skingu or a Ulysses, I didn’t even have a Wincy! No wonder I always got whazoo’d!! (that’s what we called getting bashed).
One week I decided to spend my pocket money on a shiny new bag of Blurtles. My Mum was real angry when she found I used that cash on a silly game instead of a pocket like I was supposed to, but I didn’t care.
My classmates couldn’t believe it when I rocked up on Monday morning showing off a Gonzo, a Brucey and even a Blunket! Unfortunately their disbelief was from the fact that I hadn’t got the memo that Blurtles weren’t cool anymore! Everyone had thrown their Blurtles in the bin and was playing a new game called Blartles. I got teased so badly (that’s what we called getting stabbed).
The Randy Rooster
The Randy Rooster was the radical dance move that rocked the nation back in the summer of the mid to late 90s. It won everyone over with it’s sophisticated yet simple dance moves and it’s deep but catchy chorus:
Put your hands on your side and kick your legs
Do a little shake and lay some eggs
Now you’re doin the Randy Rooster!
Everywhere you went people were doing the Randy Rooster; birthday parties, school concerts, even Randy Rooster dance contests!
I recently discovered that The Randy Rooster had been created by popular poultry chain Engharts Chicken, which now that I think about it does explain the lyric:
Now go to the shops and buy some Engharts
It’s real tasty and very good value
(repeat nine times)
Spazzos were rad collectables that came in Krumpos corn chips. I ate so many packets of those things that I gained thirty kilos and turned orange, but it was worth it to get the whole collection of those sweet disks featuring images of Spazzo the Seal playing different sports.
I even have the extremely rare one where you can Spazzo’s dick. I’m often tempted to put it up on eBay for the big twenty nine bucks and thirty three cents that it’s worth, but I don’t think I could part with it. I just take one look at that shiny seal willy and it brings back such rich nostalgia, joy, and beautiful memories of my childhood that I cry. If it clicks over to thirty bucks though I’ll sell it.
I couldn’t get enough of this cartoon series that aired every morning on Brekz Telly.
The best episodes were when Yumuchu ate the ultra almonds and became a Mega Manga or when the Star Squad went on the quest to Vulka mountain and destroyed the Diamond of Skenga.
And who can forget the classic episode where Junkara was the first to lose “the contest” and burst into Namsta’s cave and yelled “I’m out!”
Or when Graku was marrying that demon unicorn and accidentally said “I take you Rachel”!
Or that episode where Frasier tried to attend both Ros and Nile’s dinner parties?!
What a show.
EDIT: Apologies, I’ve been advised that my memory of Dragonomo mustn’t have been as good as I thought it was and it looks like I got a little muddled up when writing this! It was actually Vulko mountain that the Star Squad went to, not Vulka! As they would often say on Dragonomo, “d’oh!”
Squeeze Me Squexley
For one brief week in the 90s, I was the coolest kid in class because I was the first to get a Squeeze Me Squexley. But let me tell you, the popularity was not worth the stress. This talking stuffed toy might’ve been cute and cuddly but damn, it was demanding.
The silly thing always required attention! Like one moment I’d have to run out of class to change him, then next minute I’d have to rush him to the emergency room because he got appendicitis, then before I knew it was I talking him out of jumping off a roof because he was coked up and had lost all his money at the casino.
Eventually my teacher Mr Prister confiscated my Squeeze Me Squexley, which was honestly a relief because I was getting so sick of his shit. Although I did then have to raise all of Squexley’s illegitimate children by myself.
Last I heard, Mr. Prister and Squeeze Me Squexley had opened up a bed and breakfast in Daylesford, Victoria and couldn’t be happier.
Which is a total lie because I saw with my own eyes Mr. Prister run Squexley down with his car while screaming “FUCKIN DIE FUCKER!!”
What a great console.