What I Look For In a Chick

If you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with these prerequisites:


Have a lightning bolt streak in your hair. Preferably a blue lightning bolt. This shows creativity, as lightning bolts are not usually blue.


You use rad terminology like “chaunty” and “cool beans to the max” and “spag bol.”


You are not a bogan or a hipster or a nerd or a cheerleader or a Christian or an atheist or narrow-minded.


You have a good sense of anger, e.g. you’ll yell at idiot pedestrians who walk slow or dumb jerks who stand on the wrong side of the dumb jerk escalators.


You have no fake parts except maybe like a leather jacket that’s not actually leather or sneakers from K-Mart that look like Converse but aren’t actually Converse or a glass eye that tells the future.


You are a messy eater.


You find the following things funny: dogs, babies, Paul Blart: Mall Cop, cartoons, Keyboard Cat, Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2, dry witty humorous articles, farts.


You like great food, magic, and roller coasters but don’t mind that I personally can’t cook, don’t know magic, and am not a roller coaster.


You wear cool clothes like a baseball cap (but only sideways or backwards); a jacket made from jeans material; and ripped pants (ripped from clumsiness, not as a result of extreme sporting activity. That is not my cup of beer.)


You don’t mind if I accidentally drop tomato soup everywhere and then slip on the tomato soup and break your flat screen TV and then there’s blood everywhere and I’m trying to salvage the soup but I don’t know what’s soup and what’s blood and also I forgot your anniversary.



You like bangin’.


If this sounds like you, then shoot me a message on Aight Cupid.  Bonus points if you have an Irish or NZ accent (the two most ex-hot-tic accents)



Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s