What I Learnt From High School

Hi Murphy

Gregory Stapleton here from Leafton Secondary School. Education Week starts next Monday and we were wondering if you’d like to talk to the Year 10’s about your time at Leafton. Students are dropping like flies lately, so really try and emphasise how much you learned here, in a bid to try to get them to stay at school. We desperately need that enrolment money.

Sorry about the late notice, but Sandy Baxter cancelled because she made the Australia’s Got Talent Grand Final. We don’t have any other successful past students and your website says you’re happy to be paid in sandwiches. We hope focaccias from the caf will be adequate

If you’re keen, please attach a rough draft of what you plan to say to the kids, just so we can check it’s appropriate.


Gregory Stapleton
Vice Principal
Leafton Secondary School


Hey Greg!

I would be honoured. Focacias would be great, as long as they don’t have olives, as I’m allergic to gross shit.

Are you per chance related to Gary Stapleton? He was the vice principal back when I was in VCE. He was a bit of a tool.  I think his name was Gary. Definitely started with a G.

Also, do you have Sandy from Australia’s Got Talents number? Would love to catch up with her.

Anyway here’s the speech I plan on doing:

Hello Students, Teachers and Other

It is an honour to be here addressing you all today at Leafton High School. This place hasn’t changed a bit (change this line if the place has changed a bit).

Several years ago to this time of the year exactly is when I graduated, and it’s great to be able to talk to you all about my experiences here.

I studied many subjects at Leafton and I like to think I learnt a lot from all of them. Without further adieu, here’s some stuff I know now, thanks to Leafton.

Maths: A remainder is what’s left after the equation.

English: I before e except after e

Textiles: Needles can be used for sewing, not just drugs

History: The Indigenous Aboriginals came to Australia in 1876

Geography: Australia has more states per capita than the USA

Food Tech: The oven needs to be pre-heated before being turned on

Legal Studies : It’s legal to commit a crime, as long as you set a president

Psychology: Behavioural patterns exist in group experiments e.g. Pavlova’s Cat (1996)

Literature: A heroine is a female protagonist, not just a drug

IT: The more gigawatts, the better the html.com

Biology: Every mammal has a brain, except sharks

Art: Da Vinci cut his own nose off.

Media Studies: Any film has symbolism provided you talk enough shit.

Health: Females give birth once a month until mentalpause

PE: Steroids can be used as a sporting supplement, not just drugs

Thankyou and Goodnight.

Oh, and Leafton High School Football Rules!!!!

Hope that’s not too long, Gary


Murphy McLachlan
Youtube Comments Contributor



Don’t bother showing up on Monday.

Gregory Stapleton
Vice Principal
Leafton Secondary School



Hi Greg

What?! The event got cancelled??? Shame, let me know when the next one is.

If you could go ahead and send me my focacia anyway, that’d be great.



PS:  Sandy’s number please


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s